Incompetence in fast food.

I hate incompetent employees. Your job isn't hard, give me what i ask for and do it in a swift, polite manner. Rinse and repeat you bitch.

I love subway. I eat subway everyday. I could be the new poster boy for subway. I hate it when i get some stupid trainee; lacking confidence, lacking braincells, doesnt look me in the eye, cant make a fucking sandwich, going places in life, wearing too much makeup, too much fake tan, obviously ordered a shirt one size too small to show off her tits, obviously wants me. Pizza sub has pizza sauce ontop of the salami babe, then its cheese. And learn how to wrap a sub so its not half hanging out. Idiot. Even though everyones been a trainee at some stage in their life, i effing hate them.

Macdonalds. Pickles. Everytime i ask for no pickles please i seem to get enough pickles to start my own pickle business. How hard is it to follow a simple instruction. My shares in Pickle Co. have sky rocketed. The figures are out of this world. Pickles dont even taste nice, only freaks eat them. Only freaks pick them out and put them on their tongue. Only freaks eat other peoples pickles. Cool people throw them on the ceiling or at other unsuspecting losers ordering their meals. My word on this subject is final.

Houseparties

Here's my hateful experience of a house party, please still invite me to house parties so i feel important:

You arrive far, far too early. You awkwardly select a walking path to avoid saying hi to anyone and make a conceited effort to avoid eye contact with the opposite sex. It becomes apparent that you're horribly overdressed. You attempt to introduce yourself to some new people. You fail at saying hello and choke. They mishear your name. You don't correct them. You cling to the only people you know and check your watch/phone every 2 minutes, inbetween sculls from your drink. Your misheard name spreads around the party like wildfire. You pass the point of no return. You've now drank too much. You achieve drunkness. You spend the entire evening responding to the name "Boney".

An argument threatens to get nasty. It doesn't.

Someone hooks up with someone. Everyone goes on about it.

You make a really good joke. No one hears it. You wonder whether it's okay to make it again. You do make it again. Everyone does hear it. No one laughs.

You tell your host you're leaving. He tells you his DJ mate hasn't even arrived yet. You pretend you've got another party to go to "before sun-up." You wonder whether "sun-up" made you sound a bit like Crocodile Dundee. It did. You go home. Alone. You drink a glass of water. You think about how much fun you had, and how no one will remember you even being there. You put your jim-jams on. You realise that while internet-based social networking sites will doubtless bring about the end of modern civilisation, at least you'll no longer have to physically spend time with people.

Dedicated to Catty Fox.

Lack of tissues in peoples houses that i've visited recently

This is my new hat, i hope you enjoy it as much as i do.

I hate people that dont have tissue boxes lying around the house for convenient use. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Ok fair enough, im arab, and you might not have a nose with the ability to house small asian villages or large russian families, but do you really want people walking to your toilet everytime they want to blow their nose? Do people only bother buying tissues when they are sick or something? Is it coming to that point in my life when i have to carry around a travel pack of tissues everytime i go out. Do i bring the hanky back in? FUCK YOU buy tissues NOW. They arent expensive, they are a nice addition to your decor if you get a cool tissue box cover and they come in handy like almost all the time. geez.

The awkwardness i get from overtaking old women on the footpath

I hate old women abrubtly stopping on the footpath, I hate the awkward face i put on as i dodge and weave, and i hate the way i curve my body like a plastic ruler to avoid contact with them. Coincidently i hate people who walk slowly, and people who walk in large groups, and people who change their mind at the last second and walk into your route without saying sorry after you move out of their way.

I especially hate overtaking old women, because with old women there's always the danger that you're going to scare them very literally to death. Particularly when it's late, im dressed all in black, clutching an umbrella that bears an uncanny resemblance to a truncheon and wearing a pair of leather strangler's gloves. This would also be known as a creep/rapist.

If only there was some kind of universally accepted special cough that said, "OK madam, I'm walking behind right you, and I'm unfortunately dressed like a sex pest, but trust me, I am not interested in raping you."

Trouble with this is, once the actual rapists caught wind of this cough, we'd have to come up with something else, so it's probably not worth it.

Using gym equipment after females or weaklings, also, people that dont use towels and sweat all over everything.

I mean, obviously I can benchpress like, you know, a shitload of weight. And as for reps, don't talk to me about reps. I've got reps coming out of my nose. We're talking anywhere between five and ten. Unfortunately it seems however high I like my weight settings on a given piece of gym equipment, the woman or child who used it immediately before me always had it set quite a lot higher. Which is when I have to go through the elaborate charade of pretending to put the weight setting up while sneakily taking it down to somewhere around the 10kg level, then quickly completing my five reps before any girls or big guys look at me, then covertly putting it back really high for the next person, to ensure an impressive exit from the room.

This whole process is more exhausting than my actual work-out . Which is punishing. Which is why ive stopped working out. The only thing that gets a work out these days is my right hand and sometimes my left. Also i forgot why i was working out in the first place, i dont like sports, i just like the idea of being one of those busy 9-5 people that still manage to go to the gym and have a life, drive nice cars and go out to dinner every night with their girlfriends. Thats happening.

Also sweaty, smelly people should be banned from the gym. I know most of you would be thinking "what the fuck is wrong with you, its a place to work out not a place to be worried about how you smell" but sorry, if you dont shower before your workout you are spreading your stench and filth all over the machines other people have to use and i take back that sorry because you are definitely disgusting. The only exception is a hot girls sweat, lick that shit up, droool. The gym asks you to bring a towel so you can sit your sweaty ass crack on it instead of giving everyone samonela poisoning and aids. Your towel does not rest on your shoulder, or with your water bottle.

The gym, like everything excersise related, is for losers that need to prove themselves.

disgusting lines in the post office

I hate lining up and i hate lining up behind old people, im an impatient selfish fuckhead and dont have time for anyone but myself. Mail should be be abolished and everything should be online. Today woke up at 3:30pm and took 35 minutes out of my extremely busy life to recieve a package that failed to be delivered to my house because apparently leaving a note at the door is not good enough anymore. It was a new shirt, its a brilliant fit. I walk into the post office expecting to finish my business without any issues but instead i find myself in the middle of morning tea. There are old people everywhere, grans and pops as far as the eye can see. It's like a club for old people and even the bar staff resent you for being a spring chicken thats able to walk more than 3 steps a minute.

"POSTOFFICE - more than just a mail service"

After awkwardly staring at everyone and being stared at by some very frail cougars, i join the old mothball infested V.I.P (vision impaired person) line with your nanna. I am then told that i smell good and that Antonio (work badge) is a very sexy name. Why cant there be an express lane for people under the age of 55 who might possibly have something better to do with their time than to stand around and exchange stories about ever rising living expenses and minimal concessions. I hate the post office it shits me to tears.

People that hate on Jessica Watson

People that hate on Jessica Watson i hate you. Why are you always so jealous of other people? You are all losers, most likely slobs sitting on your asses watching daytime tv all day. Probably the sort of people that whinge like 5 year olds when the news is on because you dont get to watch neighbours or the simpsons even though you're in your 20s. How about before you criticise a great achievement you actually try to do something with your life. Sure, in a months time this girl will be forgotten, maybe even in a few days time.. because personally i had to ask what her name was. Australia. We are lackys and lazy slugs albeit the minority few. We are almost americans, but alot smarter. Just because the only thing you've acheived today is a killer pasta bake, cleaned the dishes and made the beds. Or just because you've laid a few bricks and smoked your pack for the day. Or just because you made your first million, does not validate you undermining someone elses acheivement. To that young girl, whatever her name was, i say well done for being what we all wish to be, a SOMEBODY.

bum bags and fanny packs

Misconception

Hard Butter

I love bread and butter. I love going out to eat aswell. One thing I do hate is sitting on butter or using my arm pits to soften them up. It is beyond me as to why this butter is not already soft and ready for my use. No, i have to sit here like an idiot with packs of butter inbetween my ass and in between my arm pits. You would think there was enough bread and butter going around in a day to safetly leave a box of butter packets out to be softened. Nah we will just keep them in the fridge so they stay rock hard, then that way when we serve them bread they will be hungry and anxious for their good meals, get impatient waiting for the butter to soften and just ruin their piece of bread. Fuck the customer, they are going to eat that piece of bread with chunks of butter on it either way, it doesnt matter if its spreaded properly and looks appetising. So i ate the piece of bread with chunks of uneven butter. The butter wasn't spread properly and the middle of my bread was all cut up and i could see the table through the holes in it. If someone had used their brain in the first place this wouldnt have happened.

People that think they are a character from Skins, is that cool?

SPOILER: Not the most entertaining post. Had to get this out there though.


Entertaining show right? Right. Wish we had parties like that. Yeah. Wish we had lifestyles like that. WRONG. Your life is not like that, people shouldn't behave like that and you probably shouldnt try to be a fictional character designed to warp and infect the minds of young people. Girls that are trying to be like Effy have lost the plot. A girl has actually used this line on me "You cant like me, i'll end up hurting you" Biggest load of shit i have ever heard, you are not worth my time. Guys trying to be Cook?? Youre all fucking disgusting excuses for human beings you fake pieces of shit. I hate people that try to be something they are not. Its not hard to just be yourself all the time and wait around for some good people to come into your life and love you for who you are, as opposed to changing who you are to manipulate everyone around you. And if no good people come around you're not trying hard enough or you're a shit person. One of the most basic principles of life is: what goes around comes around. You dont have to beleive in good and bad karma to understand this. If you are a greasy slime ball of a person, people are going to find out, people are going to get sick of you and eventually you will amount to the nothingness that you deserve. The only person you're fooling is yourself!

Rats Tails

I'm going to ask myself an obvious question then answer it with an equally obvious answer: why is it called a rats tail? Because it looks like a fucking rats tail. Having a rats tail on the back of your head has never been cool, and if you have a rats tail everyone is automatically better than you. You look and probably smell like a rat. Even the name for this hairstyle is repulsive. As i write this on the toilet seat i sit and ponder.. What am i going to have for lunch? Should i bother washing my work uniform? What goes through some peoples minds to make them think that a rats tail is socially acceptable and would get them anywhere in life? I have now come to the conclusion that these people are cooked and their minds have been altered by a poor upbringing helped by drugs and alcohol.

Bad table manners

I hate bad table manners, Samantha Schiller HATES bad table manners. Especially when someone educated has no idea how to behave at the table. Some people are just an embarressment to be seen out with. I am DEFINITELY not one of them. Did anyone ever pay attention during titanic when that hunk Jack Dawson gets some lessons on fine dining etiquette so he doesnt make a complete fool of himself? That movie was educational for me. Your fork is a fork its not a spoon, there is no scooping to be done with your fork. You are not a caveman, the year is 2010. You hold your fork in your left hand and your knife in your right. Under no circumstance whatsoever are you to lick your knife. DO NOT LICK ANYTHING. ACTUALLY, DO NOT REVEAL YOUR TONGUE AT ANY GIVEN TIME. If you absoloutely must join conversation whilst in a mouthful, cover your mouth. Try not to be a camel. At the end of your meal place your knife and fork together to indicate that you are done with your meal. These are but a few things you must remember when dining with other human beings that aren't considered your bros or when you are eating a meal that costs more than 16$. Bad manners at the table let everyone know you are nothing more than a scrub. I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.

People that complain about aeroplane food

I hate people that complain about the most minor aspects of life. You poor soul, not only do you have to sit next to me during your flight, you also have to be served microwave meals similar to what you used to order at the school canteen. You're an annoying person, shut the fuck up. You're balding, in your mid 40's and obviously divorced because the dandruff on your ears and shoulders is thick enough to make anyone vomit at the mere sight of you. Ive been stuck on this flight next to you for 8 hours and the last thing i want to hear is you complaining about aeroplane food. What were you expecting a restaraunt? Pompous bastard. Surely you can survive a day without a glorious meal, its not hard. Its actually a proven fact the human body can survive up to two weeks without food. Did i mention i love the word pompous.

Airbus 747's

The nose is an amazing feature of the human body, mine isn't. The noise it makes is hated by all and loved by none. Sure a cute girl can snore and i might give an "awwww" but in most of my experiences a loud breather deserves to be smothered by their pillow. Theres nothing like trying to fall asleep to the sound of an airbus, or a large male walrus. I cannot begin to describe how much i hate a whistling nose, especially one that gets steadily louder and louder. Blow your nose idiot. The one that tops the cake is the open mouth half nose half throat breathing, this is just pathetic. You're too lazy to breathe properly so you just let your face sag and survive on its own, it produces the worst noise. If you dont know what im talking about think back to the brainy creepy breathing dude from Hey Arnold! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xh8rkaeFo4

I hate uni keyboards

I hate dirty keyboards and i hate germs, i hate the word germs. My body is full of germs, i hate my body. BACTERIA. Just now at uni i consumed a packet of barbeque shapes whilst licking my fingers and typing an assignment. Until now i didnt realise how many germs i was digesting even though i remind myself of how dirty public computers are. I always seem to forget. Uni keyboards are fucking filthy. Some of the dirtiest people use them, including me. At the moment my computer is surrounded by food, even though i can see about 5 signs saying food and drink are not permitted in the computer lab. This worries me none, germs however do worry me. My keyboard is extremely greasy, and my mouse has hardened scum on the clicker. I am now going to wash my hands and mouth out with spray soap.

People that smell like moth balls

Self explanitory. There are odourless moth balls readily avaliable.

People who dont wear deoderant

Body odur is a serious hate of mine. I can tolerate someones smell if they are nice, but if they dont have much going for them im cruising. Rexona: Its cheap, its affordable. Why must you stink? Do you atleast lather in soap whilst showering? Do you wash your clothes after you know you've sweated in them? Smelly people attract flys and flys are germ infested creatures, which in turn makes you a smelly germ infested creature. How do you expect to interact with society if you scare everyone away with a potent handshake, steal a can if you must.

On a completely different note I find female body odur to be more pleasant than male body odur. Apart from my own body odur which I think smells the best. Also, apparently female body odur is an aphrodisiac.. but i've never been aroused by a smelly girl.

What's on your mind? 'We No Speak Americano' or 'I'm Not Your Toy'

I spend alot of time on facebook. Im currently on facebook lurking your profiles and liking your status updates. Oh look, another facebook status with song lyrics in it. Just great. After viewing your status i have proceeded to hide you from my newsfeed. Are you that boring that you cant create something even the slightest bit entertaining for all your friends to see? Are you that depressed that your status updates are emo song lyrics along the lines of "i need you in my life please dont leave me" and for about a minute i actually thought of posting "hey are you ok love?" "oh its just a song tony :)"

Your default status should be: insert something here that promotes me as a cool, fun to hang around, good looking, funny and caring person.

You are shit.

People that think they are Camels

I hate people. I especially hate people that chew loudly, with their mouths open.

smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack.

Could you please close your mouth? Unless you actually want to be labelled as an animal. Without you realising you are spitting food on people around you and on yourself, you look disgusting. You have something stuck between your teeth. There are crumbs on the sides of your mouth as well as white saliva deposits. Everytime you open your mouth sticky saliva drips from the top to the bottom of your mouth.

This is what you look like.

If someone can find out what this is, i will be forever grateful... Because i want to hate on it

KOSHDOGGYDOG

Ever woken up in the morning to the sound of this guys voice because someones watching Sunrise? Are you extremely offended by his false sincerity and over the top sweetness in the hopes he will be appealing to your mother, in a bid to win ratings while steadily lowering the quality of morning TV? Have you ever heard him "nawwwwww" or make a cutesy sound?

If the answer to any of the above questions is YES, then we can be friends.

I want to do evil things to myself and other people when im forced to listen to this guy. His co host is a sweetie, but this guy is just a douchebag. Congratulations to Kochie on winning the Bogie for Australia's most annoying person on Australian TV.

Fake Raybans from Bali which i purchased for 50 cents

How much longer will you be 'in' for? Have you ever looked at a pair of raybans wayfarers closely and realised how odd they look? Why are these fashionable? I am off of these for good. Not only do they not suit my face, they dont even suit my nose. Thanks goes out to the millions of conformists who have just chosen to start wearing the same frames as everyone else. Globalisation is to blame. Dolly has its own type of fake wayfarer, so does american apparel, so does cotton on, so does woolworths. Thanks for ruining something that used to be cool. Thanks James for getting me cheap ones from China. Thanks Carmine for leaving a pair at my house and a big thank you to myself for bringing back 20 pairs from Bali and giving them to people as gifts.


The John Lennon look is coming back. Be the first to get on board.

Bootcut? more like Cutthroat...

I hate bootcut jeans, on guys and gals. Theres nothing attractive about bootcut whatsoever, its ugly and boring. One of the most annoying sounds also happens to be denim swishing against itself. Everytime i think of bootcut jeans, i think of old people and people with no sense of style. A real hipster works hard for his/her jeans, paying $100 dollars for denim in its rawest form. And why not? Its fashionable and looks good as opposed to looking like you're stuck in the 90's. When you're cold and need someone to hug your ankles, who's going to be there for you? Dont look at bootcut, he'll be flapping about in the wind showing the world your odd socks and hairy legs. You might aswell be wearing parachute pants; this way when you jump off a building to kill yourself because you've realised how much of an idiot you look like, you might catch enough air in your ridiculous flares to survive the fall.

Ugly in a Can

The female race has come along way since the stone age.. or has it? One thing i really hate is a girl with excessive fake tan on. Who told her she looks good? Did anyone tell her she resembles an oompa loompa or possibly Ayres Rock when stationary? You were born a certain colour for a reason and that is who you are for the rest of your life, I think we can all learn a lesson here from Michael Jackson, god bless. Girls also need to realise there are certain spots of the body that if you miss, make you look like a complete twat. For example; the patch underneath your underarm, your neck, where your hair ends and your forehead starts. Walking around like you've got shit on your hands has never looked good. Also, if you cant stand being white atleast pay for a decent spray tan at my mums salon.

+1 Friend Request

I love friend requests, the possibility of a super hot babe adding me so i can stalk her profile 5 times a day is a dream come true. Alas, this is a rarity. Where does someone get off adding me for no reason what so ever. Ok sweet we have 2 mutual friends, both of who happen to be gay, and you somehow thought that this was grounds for us to be facebook friends. Thats a real. I dont care that your profile picture is you and Lady GaGa, or that your other 40 profile pictures are Lady GaGa in various poses. We will never be friends in this lifetime.

humans are strange creatures

i am a happy person, but i can think of about one million things that fuck me off. now im putting them on the internet