Incompetence in fast food.

I hate incompetent employees. Your job isn't hard, give me what i ask for and do it in a swift, polite manner. Rinse and repeat you bitch.

I love subway. I eat subway everyday. I could be the new poster boy for subway. I hate it when i get some stupid trainee; lacking confidence, lacking braincells, doesnt look me in the eye, cant make a fucking sandwich, going places in life, wearing too much makeup, too much fake tan, obviously ordered a shirt one size too small to show off her tits, obviously wants me. Pizza sub has pizza sauce ontop of the salami babe, then its cheese. And learn how to wrap a sub so its not half hanging out. Idiot. Even though everyones been a trainee at some stage in their life, i effing hate them.

Macdonalds. Pickles. Everytime i ask for no pickles please i seem to get enough pickles to start my own pickle business. How hard is it to follow a simple instruction. My shares in Pickle Co. have sky rocketed. The figures are out of this world. Pickles dont even taste nice, only freaks eat them. Only freaks pick them out and put them on their tongue. Only freaks eat other peoples pickles. Cool people throw them on the ceiling or at other unsuspecting losers ordering their meals. My word on this subject is final.

Houseparties

Here's my hateful experience of a house party, please still invite me to house parties so i feel important:

You arrive far, far too early. You awkwardly select a walking path to avoid saying hi to anyone and make a conceited effort to avoid eye contact with the opposite sex. It becomes apparent that you're horribly overdressed. You attempt to introduce yourself to some new people. You fail at saying hello and choke. They mishear your name. You don't correct them. You cling to the only people you know and check your watch/phone every 2 minutes, inbetween sculls from your drink. Your misheard name spreads around the party like wildfire. You pass the point of no return. You've now drank too much. You achieve drunkness. You spend the entire evening responding to the name "Boney".

An argument threatens to get nasty. It doesn't.

Someone hooks up with someone. Everyone goes on about it.

You make a really good joke. No one hears it. You wonder whether it's okay to make it again. You do make it again. Everyone does hear it. No one laughs.

You tell your host you're leaving. He tells you his DJ mate hasn't even arrived yet. You pretend you've got another party to go to "before sun-up." You wonder whether "sun-up" made you sound a bit like Crocodile Dundee. It did. You go home. Alone. You drink a glass of water. You think about how much fun you had, and how no one will remember you even being there. You put your jim-jams on. You realise that while internet-based social networking sites will doubtless bring about the end of modern civilisation, at least you'll no longer have to physically spend time with people.

Dedicated to Catty Fox.

Lack of tissues in peoples houses that i've visited recently

This is my new hat, i hope you enjoy it as much as i do.

I hate people that dont have tissue boxes lying around the house for convenient use. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Ok fair enough, im arab, and you might not have a nose with the ability to house small asian villages or large russian families, but do you really want people walking to your toilet everytime they want to blow their nose? Do people only bother buying tissues when they are sick or something? Is it coming to that point in my life when i have to carry around a travel pack of tissues everytime i go out. Do i bring the hanky back in? FUCK YOU buy tissues NOW. They arent expensive, they are a nice addition to your decor if you get a cool tissue box cover and they come in handy like almost all the time. geez.

The awkwardness i get from overtaking old women on the footpath

I hate old women abrubtly stopping on the footpath, I hate the awkward face i put on as i dodge and weave, and i hate the way i curve my body like a plastic ruler to avoid contact with them. Coincidently i hate people who walk slowly, and people who walk in large groups, and people who change their mind at the last second and walk into your route without saying sorry after you move out of their way.

I especially hate overtaking old women, because with old women there's always the danger that you're going to scare them very literally to death. Particularly when it's late, im dressed all in black, clutching an umbrella that bears an uncanny resemblance to a truncheon and wearing a pair of leather strangler's gloves. This would also be known as a creep/rapist.

If only there was some kind of universally accepted special cough that said, "OK madam, I'm walking behind right you, and I'm unfortunately dressed like a sex pest, but trust me, I am not interested in raping you."

Trouble with this is, once the actual rapists caught wind of this cough, we'd have to come up with something else, so it's probably not worth it.

Using gym equipment after females or weaklings, also, people that dont use towels and sweat all over everything.

I mean, obviously I can benchpress like, you know, a shitload of weight. And as for reps, don't talk to me about reps. I've got reps coming out of my nose. We're talking anywhere between five and ten. Unfortunately it seems however high I like my weight settings on a given piece of gym equipment, the woman or child who used it immediately before me always had it set quite a lot higher. Which is when I have to go through the elaborate charade of pretending to put the weight setting up while sneakily taking it down to somewhere around the 10kg level, then quickly completing my five reps before any girls or big guys look at me, then covertly putting it back really high for the next person, to ensure an impressive exit from the room.

This whole process is more exhausting than my actual work-out . Which is punishing. Which is why ive stopped working out. The only thing that gets a work out these days is my right hand and sometimes my left. Also i forgot why i was working out in the first place, i dont like sports, i just like the idea of being one of those busy 9-5 people that still manage to go to the gym and have a life, drive nice cars and go out to dinner every night with their girlfriends. Thats happening.

Also sweaty, smelly people should be banned from the gym. I know most of you would be thinking "what the fuck is wrong with you, its a place to work out not a place to be worried about how you smell" but sorry, if you dont shower before your workout you are spreading your stench and filth all over the machines other people have to use and i take back that sorry because you are definitely disgusting. The only exception is a hot girls sweat, lick that shit up, droool. The gym asks you to bring a towel so you can sit your sweaty ass crack on it instead of giving everyone samonela poisoning and aids. Your towel does not rest on your shoulder, or with your water bottle.

The gym, like everything excersise related, is for losers that need to prove themselves.

disgusting lines in the post office

I hate lining up and i hate lining up behind old people, im an impatient selfish fuckhead and dont have time for anyone but myself. Mail should be be abolished and everything should be online. Today woke up at 3:30pm and took 35 minutes out of my extremely busy life to recieve a package that failed to be delivered to my house because apparently leaving a note at the door is not good enough anymore. It was a new shirt, its a brilliant fit. I walk into the post office expecting to finish my business without any issues but instead i find myself in the middle of morning tea. There are old people everywhere, grans and pops as far as the eye can see. It's like a club for old people and even the bar staff resent you for being a spring chicken thats able to walk more than 3 steps a minute.

"POSTOFFICE - more than just a mail service"

After awkwardly staring at everyone and being stared at by some very frail cougars, i join the old mothball infested V.I.P (vision impaired person) line with your nanna. I am then told that i smell good and that Antonio (work badge) is a very sexy name. Why cant there be an express lane for people under the age of 55 who might possibly have something better to do with their time than to stand around and exchange stories about ever rising living expenses and minimal concessions. I hate the post office it shits me to tears.

People that hate on Jessica Watson

People that hate on Jessica Watson i hate you. Why are you always so jealous of other people? You are all losers, most likely slobs sitting on your asses watching daytime tv all day. Probably the sort of people that whinge like 5 year olds when the news is on because you dont get to watch neighbours or the simpsons even though you're in your 20s. How about before you criticise a great achievement you actually try to do something with your life. Sure, in a months time this girl will be forgotten, maybe even in a few days time.. because personally i had to ask what her name was. Australia. We are lackys and lazy slugs albeit the minority few. We are almost americans, but alot smarter. Just because the only thing you've acheived today is a killer pasta bake, cleaned the dishes and made the beds. Or just because you've laid a few bricks and smoked your pack for the day. Or just because you made your first million, does not validate you undermining someone elses acheivement. To that young girl, whatever her name was, i say well done for being what we all wish to be, a SOMEBODY.

bum bags and fanny packs

Misconception

Hard Butter

I love bread and butter. I love going out to eat aswell. One thing I do hate is sitting on butter or using my arm pits to soften them up. It is beyond me as to why this butter is not already soft and ready for my use. No, i have to sit here like an idiot with packs of butter inbetween my ass and in between my arm pits. You would think there was enough bread and butter going around in a day to safetly leave a box of butter packets out to be softened. Nah we will just keep them in the fridge so they stay rock hard, then that way when we serve them bread they will be hungry and anxious for their good meals, get impatient waiting for the butter to soften and just ruin their piece of bread. Fuck the customer, they are going to eat that piece of bread with chunks of butter on it either way, it doesnt matter if its spreaded properly and looks appetising. So i ate the piece of bread with chunks of uneven butter. The butter wasn't spread properly and the middle of my bread was all cut up and i could see the table through the holes in it. If someone had used their brain in the first place this wouldnt have happened.

People that think they are a character from Skins, is that cool?

SPOILER: Not the most entertaining post. Had to get this out there though.


Entertaining show right? Right. Wish we had parties like that. Yeah. Wish we had lifestyles like that. WRONG. Your life is not like that, people shouldn't behave like that and you probably shouldnt try to be a fictional character designed to warp and infect the minds of young people. Girls that are trying to be like Effy have lost the plot. A girl has actually used this line on me "You cant like me, i'll end up hurting you" Biggest load of shit i have ever heard, you are not worth my time. Guys trying to be Cook?? Youre all fucking disgusting excuses for human beings you fake pieces of shit. I hate people that try to be something they are not. Its not hard to just be yourself all the time and wait around for some good people to come into your life and love you for who you are, as opposed to changing who you are to manipulate everyone around you. And if no good people come around you're not trying hard enough or you're a shit person. One of the most basic principles of life is: what goes around comes around. You dont have to beleive in good and bad karma to understand this. If you are a greasy slime ball of a person, people are going to find out, people are going to get sick of you and eventually you will amount to the nothingness that you deserve. The only person you're fooling is yourself!

Rats Tails

I'm going to ask myself an obvious question then answer it with an equally obvious answer: why is it called a rats tail? Because it looks like a fucking rats tail. Having a rats tail on the back of your head has never been cool, and if you have a rats tail everyone is automatically better than you. You look and probably smell like a rat. Even the name for this hairstyle is repulsive. As i write this on the toilet seat i sit and ponder.. What am i going to have for lunch? Should i bother washing my work uniform? What goes through some peoples minds to make them think that a rats tail is socially acceptable and would get them anywhere in life? I have now come to the conclusion that these people are cooked and their minds have been altered by a poor upbringing helped by drugs and alcohol.

Bad table manners

I hate bad table manners, Samantha Schiller HATES bad table manners. Especially when someone educated has no idea how to behave at the table. Some people are just an embarressment to be seen out with. I am DEFINITELY not one of them. Did anyone ever pay attention during titanic when that hunk Jack Dawson gets some lessons on fine dining etiquette so he doesnt make a complete fool of himself? That movie was educational for me. Your fork is a fork its not a spoon, there is no scooping to be done with your fork. You are not a caveman, the year is 2010. You hold your fork in your left hand and your knife in your right. Under no circumstance whatsoever are you to lick your knife. DO NOT LICK ANYTHING. ACTUALLY, DO NOT REVEAL YOUR TONGUE AT ANY GIVEN TIME. If you absoloutely must join conversation whilst in a mouthful, cover your mouth. Try not to be a camel. At the end of your meal place your knife and fork together to indicate that you are done with your meal. These are but a few things you must remember when dining with other human beings that aren't considered your bros or when you are eating a meal that costs more than 16$. Bad manners at the table let everyone know you are nothing more than a scrub. I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.

People that complain about aeroplane food

I hate people that complain about the most minor aspects of life. You poor soul, not only do you have to sit next to me during your flight, you also have to be served microwave meals similar to what you used to order at the school canteen. You're an annoying person, shut the fuck up. You're balding, in your mid 40's and obviously divorced because the dandruff on your ears and shoulders is thick enough to make anyone vomit at the mere sight of you. Ive been stuck on this flight next to you for 8 hours and the last thing i want to hear is you complaining about aeroplane food. What were you expecting a restaraunt? Pompous bastard. Surely you can survive a day without a glorious meal, its not hard. Its actually a proven fact the human body can survive up to two weeks without food. Did i mention i love the word pompous.